Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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