dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
