i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
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