someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Randomize
