this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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