You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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