my sisters under your porch take her home
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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