and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
