Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
