It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
