ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Come share oat with me in your robe
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Randomize
