I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
