So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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