peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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