thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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