Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
