i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
