this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
