really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
