My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
