so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
