I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
