just come out here and I will go home with you...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I see more hoeing in ur future
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