If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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