Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
