i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
We are all done wearing pants today
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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