When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
