so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
