GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
