I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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