oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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