Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
