Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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