He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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