Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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