i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
