what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
