you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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