Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
