I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
