Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
