A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
The beer is more important than you right now.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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