My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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