You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
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So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You pole danced in your parka.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
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How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize