You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
the day after is always just damage control
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize
