Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
