I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
