How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
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Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
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She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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