Im at strip club and am horny
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
