Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
