she was so not down for the gang bang
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
