btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
