quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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