That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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