She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
