Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
