Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
