i think i have two assholes
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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