woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
