i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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