Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?