I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.