I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed