I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
