Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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