you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
