Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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