So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
